IMHA grief and how far do I go

samia goudie

Guest

She is eating and drinking still she when first I’ll and vet said 2-4 days I kept her alive with syringe of water mixed with recovery food even home made bone broth and chicken broth
She won’t eat fresh red meat only dry food but lately ate a bit of canned gravy food
She is gorgeous and pulled up so well at first
I tried the grief link it dropped out and I tried to post a picture she’s truly special
It’s midnight I prob won’t sleep 💤 till early morning she’s cuddling she sleeps with me close under covers never let that before she is always with me 24/7 and cry’s if I leave with covid she is all I have and I know she wants to stay with me … she looked so afraid when she was so sick I literally held her for 4 days straight and keep trying to keep her fluids up and couldn’t sleep as I was afraid she’d die next ti me I’d be asleep and she’d be dead
I know I can’t do it again as idealistic as it was she knew and I don’t want to see her fear and for me to suffer either
I tell her all the time I love her and try be cheery and roll get ball gently cause she is addicted – but just gentle little rolls she rolls it back worh her nose
She looks at me directly and holds my gaze which is rare and does it more and more
I think she knows she’s getting sick again
I’ll try get the blood tests and the dose might be hard to get the bloods tests reports till I go back
And when if we even last till then I Suspect the it could be transfusion decision time or close and of course she could go Down quicker
With the extra prednisone she might pick up
And so I know it’s not over yet
Have u heard of plasma treatment ? And the role of asprin ? I read about that today
I do know the vet said she has never seen a dog that was so I’ll survive this long and they love her and will do all they can
She even rang me today as she had gone to work early to research it more and get a second opinion so I know she’s very honest – but only I can decide and I do know to some extent Zoë will lete know
I know she doesn’t want to leave me as much as I don’t want her to go
Honestly I have loved every dog every time I’ve been heartbroken
But they were old and really ready to go
I know you’ll understand how different this Illness is
I know my friends have no idea
I know only those who have had digs with this really horrible illness could know
Grief is one thing but knowing what’s best is hardest
I’m
Glad she’s got no pain that’s good
I know it’s going to break me but grief does no way round
The thought truly of this st this time of covid is devastating
Maybe a bit like a human going to not be with her though the vet said she’d make an exception and let me hold her with a mask on etc
But just the whole coming home alone with her abd no one to come be with me
Is do lonely and cruel
I haven’t given up not yet but I got hopeful I dared to start thinking she was going to make it so it’s very disappointing to hear she’s dropped back so much
Thanks so much if u don’t mind I’ll stay in touch
Samia abd Zoë

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Vally

Keymaster

Samia, I’m in Sydney and no I don’t mind at all if you keep in touch.

If you can tell me the dosage of the tablets, that’s important to make sure she’s on the right dose. For a 9kg dog, she should be on about 10mg of prednisone twice a day, so a total of 20mg a day.

Imuran is also called Azathioprine and she shoudl be on 10mg twice a day, so a total of 20mg a day. This can sometimes stop the marrow working though, so if she’s not really responding, it might be good to switch to another drug.

A good drug is Cyclosporine as it works directly to stop the cells doing the damage. It’s a bit more expensive, but if you can afford it, it’s a really good drug for this disease. Some dogs have a bit of tummy trouble with it to start with, but they usually adapt to it. Can you ask your vet if Zoe can start Cyclosporine.

She doesn’t need aspirin because she’s taking Plavix, which is a blood thinner. That’s to stop the clots forming.

Make sure the broth has no onions in it but what you’re feeding is great. Too much red meat is a strain on her liver right now, and with the drugs, her liver will be working hard, so don’t worry about red meat. Chicken in some broth might be nice for her – again, never any onions.

The transfusion is there to give time for the drugs to work. So if Zoe’s blood drops down too much, then do the transfusion if you can.

I have heard of plasma treatments, but don’t know anybody that has done this, so can’t really help with this.

You’re vet sounds lovely. My boy Bingo was under a specialist, because my local vets didn’t really know what was going on. If you can see an Internal Specialist, that might be good. No offence to your vet but this disease needs to be treated quickly and hard. Sometimes a university veterinary hospital will have the expertise to help, but I’m a bit wary of universities because they like to teach and so sometimes I’ve heard of dogs with this disease where they’ve done a bit of everything because it helps to teach the vets. Good for the vets, but maybe not so good for the dog.

In fact, with all the right drugs, Zoe will probably look worse for a while. The treatment is hard on them, but they have to go through this.

It’s a really hard time right now being in isolation and yes the grief and fear that this disease creates is unlike anything else I’ve known. None of my friends could understand why I kept trying to get Bingo better. You can read Bingo’s story here:
https://www.secondchanceaihadogs.com/our-stories/bingo

I think Zoe’s drugs need to be sorted out and then hopefully she’ll start to get better.

Please look after yourself too. That’s very important.

My best,
Vally

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Helen Goudie

Guest

Hi Vally,

saw vet today i could tell zoe was going down again, and was right,

so now her bloods are back down to 15. I have . decision ti make by tomorrow. go ahead on tuesday ( it’s thursday) and have a transfusion and spleen taken out , minimizing having to have 2 procedures. we feel it’s unlikely just the transfusion will do more than it has this time which is buy time …. so the spleen feels last line . it is the last they will do as well .
either that or prepare her for a good death .
if we do the surgery etc , and a week later her bloods are good , well she could have a good outcome , if not we go back to preparing for a good death.

only pronlem is I ALSO need a hospital procedure and they want to do it asap and means a week in hospital. so the timing is tricky , my best option I think is if I do it ( which I will im sure ) then a week later after her surgery wound is healing and we get her bloods , that’s the best time for me to go have my thing done , because that’s when she is most likely to bounce back. if after that she goes down , well then I’ll be with her. i lose a week with her , but i would anyway and this might save her … none of it is ideal and all of it is awful , but that is how it is.
also yes on my own and dealing with this and myself. I have to have ketamine infusions for a week in patient for pain and then surgery and so its bad for me as well.

and covid……. anyway , oit is what it is, i think the one thing it is incredibly hard for people to understand , its like well let the poor dog die , they don’t understand the nature of this and the unknowns no one does , not even the vet knows how it will go.
also , she looks fine , so it doesn’t look like she’s as ill as she is and on deaths door not till its right close , which she was a pvc 11.
otherwise she seems fine just tired,
so people don’t get it of course . and you and I know it takes us a while to try get your head around it all and that it is not like having cancer or a tumour or anything else really. it’s somehow its own horrible beast,

this is the worst pet being ill , maybe even human being ill experience . im devastated , tired , anxious and today i can barely cope with not just her but my own situation .
its awful
anyway , just sharing , i can’t see not giving her this last chance . its $2400 but i have it , i’ll be poor and have thousands I have to spend on my health as well. and prob soon wont have a job either
but , hey life’s short .
thanks samia

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